I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
