She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
