Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize