I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
