I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
