i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize