All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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