I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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