i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
