I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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