Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
