the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize