I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
