Cold hands, warm shart.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
