"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
