I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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