She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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