I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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