I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
