Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
