Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
