GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
