I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
