How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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