im having a threesome with these popsicles
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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