i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
