Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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