I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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