oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dicks are not precious.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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