omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
