DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
dude. I can hear the air.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
