Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
