Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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