No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
