Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
