i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
