im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
