I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
