i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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