So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize