There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
