I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
