There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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