oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
