when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
