I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm having to shit out rocks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
