The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
