I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
