Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
