Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
