someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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