He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
