with your own penis?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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