I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Found the puke drawer
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
