If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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