i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
and you fell through a lawn chair
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
