angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
