You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
