please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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