ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
