i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
