Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
her vagine was all disorganized.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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