Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
