I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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