Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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