I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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