Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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