hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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