yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
